Father....it's dark in here!

Psa 69:16  Hear me, O LORD; for thy lovingkindness is good: turn unto me according to the multitude of thy tender mercies.

Lately in our family we had a crisis that tested my faith. In brief, for 2 minutes or so, we believed our new born girl (Sammy) had possibly passed away. Her mother's heart sunk into unknown dark territory. My mind raced, as I scrambled for sanity. Then my heart cried out to the one it is anchored in (God). I plead for my Sammie's life, & I dared not try to barter with a God whom I have nothing to offer. The situation had humbled me beyond what I am able to do personally. So from there, I told my God that I did not believe in the power of MY prayer...but I do believe completely in the power of the one whom I pray to! I do not trust in my faith, but I do believe completely in His faithfulness. I was asking God if He would demonstrate His loving kindness towards my wife and I and protect our hearts and mind, to prepare us for whatever might be next. I knew myself to be the chiefest of sinners along with Paul, and I might actually begin to question the goodness of God and the love of God; if things did not go my way. 2 verses came to mind as I plead my case....Jesus words "Your Will Father, Not Mine!"  And then Psalmist 69:16  "Hear me, O LORD; for thy loving kindness is good turn towards me according to the multitude of thy tender mercies." I prayed these verses over and over as I held my Sammy in that ambulance...for possibly the last time.

I write this little bit for those who have lost those most dear to them...because even the most sunniest of days will forever have a hint of shade in it from now on. On Christmas morning, all my studies on suffering were no longer a philosophical abstract to be pondered, it was concrete reality. Suffering is real, it is not kind, it is viscous, it is cruel, & its dark. It is one of the loneliest existences of life, to be without one whom is so precious, that brought extra value to your being. While my Sammy faded...so did my light begin to flicker. It quickly grew dark in my heart, in my mind, and in my future. Holding Sammy tightly in my arms in that ambulance ride a phrase came to me..."Father,...it's dark in here!"

Years ago, I had been studying and came across a story about a father and a son. It spoke of how the father & son walked hand and hand to their car, in the rain, after the funeral of the woman they both loved so dearly. She was the center of their world, the core of their existence...she was "wife"...she was "mommy"..& now she was gone. Arriving at home, the father did the best that he could do. Dad was strong & struggled to keep things going as normal as possible for his little boy. He gave his boy a bath, they ate dinner together and dad finished up the dishes. Night was coming, it was getting dark. Soon the little boy came to the father and asked, "Daddy, can I sleep with you tonight?" To the fathers relief, the dad said "of course you can, come on...let' go to bed".

After laying there for some time. The father had noticed that the little boy was still squirming around & was   finding it hard to fall asleep. The father was worried, gripped by fear that the son was going to start asking questions that he was not yet prepared to answer. But eventually the silence was broken as the little boy said, "Daddy, are you here?" The Father said, "Yes son, I'm right here with you."  The little boy said, "Daddy, it's dark in here and I can't see you". The Father responded, I assure you son "I"m right here with you". Then the little boy said, "Daddy, is your face towards me? it's dark in here, & I can't see your face". Daddy replied; "I know it's dark son, but daddy's right here with you, and my face is towards you, you just can't see me because it's so dark...but I promise, I'm here with you!" The little boy said, "Okay daddy, but can you hold me?"...& in a few minutes the boy fell asleep.

Soon the dad found himself laying in the bed, all alone, in the dark with his thoughts. Next, he rolled out of bed and fell on his knees...and began to pray these words..."Father, are you here with me? It's dark in here right now and I can't see your face! Father, would you turn your face towards me....oh Father...it's dark in here and I'm scared...would you hold me...it's dark in here!"

My heart go's out to each of you who have lost a loved one...may God love you and keep you!
Psa 69:16  Hear me, O LORD; for thy lovingkindness is good: turn unto me according to the multitude of thy tender mercies.

May you Grow in Grace and the knowledge of knowing that He is with you....even in the dark! Your friend, Mike Heili   (hookmhrns@ymail.com)